Self harm is a temporary relief from immediate pain but ultimately it is another thing which traps you…it can become habitual and very difficult to stop doing. I have feelings of self harm a handful of times a year now they have not gone altogether. However I know it is not a healthy or a helpful way to deal with feelings such as the ones I describe below. I would urge you not to hurt yourself but to find other ways of managing the things which make you want to self harm. For more information and help on self harming please see my links page.


You comfort me

Comfort as blood I see

You do not hurt as I break the skin

A kind of peace flows within

Release for too many emotions inside

But another scar to hide

Yet you help to numb my pain

You allow me some escape time and again

~

I feel no physical pain today

As I make the emotional torment fade away

As my arms become red, I feel nothing but anger inside

As I create yet more scars to hide

I don’t care about the damage done to me

Because the harder I hit…the further I push these

emotions away from me.

~

I need a razor blade to release the pain

Cannot stand to feel this way again

Need to cut so deep because it hurts more than I can say

I think about taking myself away

What would it mean to the other me

How crazy to think I could be free

I hate myself and I see no release

When will this hell cease?

~

You make me so angry, I want to do something stupid

To make you stop treating me like a rebellious kid

I want to cut my arms until they bleed and bleed

I don’t need you, from you there is nothing I need

Maybe if I took myself away then power would at last be mine

For you to treat me as you do there would be no more time

You make me feel so angry within

Why do I have to see him

I wish I had the courage to swallow lots of pills

To release me from all of our ills.

~

I’m back in this place again

Rage has risen above the pain

I just feel tired and empty now

Once again I fail

Nothing seems that important anymore

I have even forgotten what I was so angry for

Looking around I should feel bad

But I am just so sad

I don’t even feel what I have done

I want to be alone, yet part of me needs someone

All i have are a few more scars to remind me…

I am still not free.

~

Not a cut but relief from the pain

Not flowing blood but silent flowing tears

A stinging angry cut

A stung angry heart

Its what I am…ugly

Its mine

I did it

I will probably do it again.

~
Look at my bleeding arms and see

See the pain pouring out of me

See the confusion and bewilderment

The anguish of abandonment

Look at my bleeding arms and see

That I still am not free

Free from him who caused my pain

Free from the memories which remain

Look at my bleeding arms and see

I am not who I long to be

Moments past are etched in my mind

Words that hold you, words that bind

Look at my bleeding arms and see

The pain pouring out of me.

~

If I cut then he has hurt me again

Too many already are the scars of his pain

Yet I feel so many different ways

So much anger remembering childhood days

I don’t know what to do with all these things I feel

Need and want to cut

Need and want to heal.

~

~

I want a knife

I want to cut

I want to let the pain seep out

I want to cut through it

I want to cut all the badness away

I want to cut all the anger away

I want to cut all the chaos away

I want to see blood

Red and raw

To see it and not to feel it

To no longer feel the pain inside

To feel relief instead

& Leave my torture dying and dead.

~

Broken Pieces

Tonight I looked at the cup on the floor

Smashed, cracked, shattered, broken

Of no use anymore

& In that cup I saw myself, the way in which I feel inside

Smashed, cracked, shattered, broken

& I cradled that cup within my hands and I cried.

~

“But I know like many other coping mechanisms that I am not alone, and I am not weird or dangerous, I have just developed a mechanism to help me feel, or to punish myself…in some strange way to make me feel better. The good news is that being aware of them may not make me stop all together, but makes me recognize when I am doing it and then I have the choice to stop, and many times do stop…for that moment” …Wendi Nolan Brincken

“I have done many things over the years to cope to heal to survive and I believe that although they are seen as wrong by society so is what happens to us survivors the pain and trauma we suffer at the hands of others is unbearable at times” …Survivor Quote

Copyright © Kate Swift 2013. All Rights Reserved.